Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
This was the sixth birth I have attended, and while the process is never the same, it will always be one of the most miraculous events I have ever witnessed. It is such an honor to be able to participate in such a special and intimate event. I watch as each story unfolds, and a family is instantly born. The love that fills each delivery room can not be harnessed, as tears of joy flow freely. Two of my favorite aspects of a delivery are the mother's reaction the moment her baby is delivered, and the father's instantaneous love for his little one that is formed right at the warmer.
Every birth I attend adds another beautiful mark on my heart. I grow and learn about the beauty of birth, and the strength of human nature joined as a couple. As tired as I am right now, I am glowing...because I just saw a Christmas miracle.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Here's the silver lining...it did make me think of a friend that I really do need to give a call...so Pache, listen out for your ringer! :)
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Here are my thoughts for her...
Be strong in your decisions,
as they sometimes can not be taken back.
Continue to hold on to your little ones,
as they will shape our future.
Know that your struggles,
were never in vain.
Rest with a peaceful heart,
as home hopefully takes away your pain.
* Thank you M.C. for helping to make this family's Christmas bright*
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
I stayed pretty grumpy for most of the day, until one little boy's mom came in. She is a single mom, only 23, and moved here for a fresh start for her and her son. She speaks English remarkably well, and lives her life for her child. I was amazed at her strength, determination, and her willingness to press even further, despite the fact that her son is doing great. I felt her struggles for finding a babysitter, and working long hours without much pay. It was evident through our conversation that she is not able to interact with other adults very often. She viewed me as her child's caregiver, almost like a parent when she can not be there. Her admiration and compliments took me off guard. There were so many words not verbally spoken. Most of our communication was done through our eyes.
At the end of the meeting, she got up and gave me a long hug. She thanked me for being such a good teacher, and then walked out the door. Thankfully I had a few minutes to pull myself together after that meeting. In her heart, she feels weak, and stretched to her fullest capacity. But, in her, I saw a wildfire of strength. That hug was what she needed, but little did she know how much I needed it too.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Every aspect of my life these days seems exaggerated and busting with meaning. I have always been the type of person that looks for "signs," which can sometimes be false confirmations for what I already wanted to do. I say false because I was looking at what I wanted to see, not what was really lying in front of my face. I feel like I had on rose colored glasses, and was viewing my world as something it was not.
They say that a person's eyes are windows to their soul. There were points in my life that I would have believed that statement. But, now I realize that behind those eyes, you must look deeper. Something lies under the surface of people that nobody can fully understand. It reminds me of a colorful package with the most ornate bow, but when opened..piece by piece...the inside is empty. It feels so cold.
I have been taught so many important lessons in this short amount of time. My family has proven that they will stand by me, no matter what choices I make. For all the years they protected me and I didn't understand...I am happy that in my adult life I can. My grandmother, whom does not understand the emotions of a separation (over fifty years of marriage), sent me the most beautiful note of encouragement. Life does deal us many different cards, and it is always our choice how we play the hand. I have taken risks, tried bluffing, and have put all my chips on the table. No matter how the game is played, the important part is how things are when the game is over.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
"Fool me once shame on you,
Fool me twice shame on me".
Shame on me.
You have no excuses left. But, thank you for making me a stronger person, thank you for opening my eyes to human nature, thank you for reminding me how to protect myself, thank you for bringing me closer to my family, thank you for paying your debt, and thank you for shamefully exiting out of my life.
Monday, September 10, 2007
I met a wolf in sheep's clothing not too long ago. How innocent and loving one person can seem. The excuses, the blame, the belittlement...all with a plan and purpose. Selfish Personal Gain. Then, that person revealed his true self...lucky for me I realized. Beware of these sneaky wolves for they come in such nice packages...aiming to tear out your heart.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
My strength dwindles,
as I begin to lose myself.
Traveling in a dream-like state,
looking to be grounded.
Hurting those around me,
because I can't find myself.
Another sip, and another...
I won't call for support.
As Tori once said,
"I thought I could hold back glaciers,"
now my tears are too strong.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
I went to the beach this weekend for some much needed R&R. Lately so much has been going on that I have felt overwhelmed and unsure of what is out there for me. There have been points in my life when I was positive I had everything figured out. I could "see" exactly what was laid before me. Now, I can't begin to envision what my life is going to be like, and where I am headed. I felt communal with the ocean, as if I now have an endless sea of possibilities. But, with every ocean, there will be rough waters, storms, and the unknown. While sitting on the beach with my toes digging in the sand, I stared out at the sun glistened waters. Something as vast as the ocean begins to make me feel so small, as well as, all my problems. I just hope that my journey is calm and purposeful...never looking back at the shore.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
When Robert Frost wrote:
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference."
I always thought that I had taken the road less traveled as well. I stood for what I believed in, never went with something just because it was popular, and most certainly did not use my creative outlets in a conservative, rigid, or expected pattern. But, with so many things, I was wrong. I have been following the worn, and frequently traveled path and that has made all the difference (not positively). I followed what was expected of me in my personal life, academically, and professionally. Maybe my inner confidence is still masked by my insecurities about life's decisions. I often wonder what my life would have been like had I chosen the less traveled paths. What if I had taken more risks, and chose to just live, instead of cautiously abiding by what is "safe". Every now and then I would dip my toe in the sea of the unknown, only to pull it back out because the water was too cold, and lonely.
Maybe my new found strength and interdependence should be my catalyst for change. Maybe this year will be the year I travel on that rocky and overgrown path, and not look back with regret. Maybe now is the time for me to not question all my decisions, and just follow my heart. Maybe I finally found my inner compass to guide me.
Robert Frost must have lived vicariously and strong. He must have grabbed life by the horns, and danced. Maybe he wrote "The Road Not Taken" when he finally discovered is own inner truths, as with me.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I love having deep conversations with friends and family, and even enjoy the time I spend lost in my own creative thoughts. But, there always comes a time for me when those creative thoughts turn to me over analyzing them. I am always my own worst critic, and when I am busy...I just worry about getting sleep. But, now with all this free time I begin to worry, and doubt myself. I do not remember that famous person who shares my thoughts, nor do I remember his exact words...but I know he expressed the danger of idle minds wandering.
So, tomorrow I will not spend my day glued to the computer getting way too far ahead in my school work, nor will I run around the house trying to clean when I'm NOT into it. I will venture out on a long walk in the park. Nothing is a better cure for me than the great outdoors! Hopefully it will not lead to more time being spent in my own head, because frankly...I need a vacation from it! :)
As excited as I was for this year to end, I am regretting what I wished for. All my friends and family are working normal hours, and here I am wanting to hang out on a week night, with nobody to hang out with! Well, I guess that's the way things go...the grass is never greener.