Saturday, November 24, 2007

Into the mix again

Its strange when you enter a part of your life that you have already lived before. It has been a long time since I have dated, and dating brings me back to a time I had since forgotten. Dating is something that encompasses all of you because of its anxiety, anticipation, and sometimes regret. It is never easy to put yourself out there...no matter how confident you are. When exiting a marriage you feel vulnerable, but at the same time zeroed in on what you want your next mate to be like. Sometimes I wonder if I am only focusing on the traits that my ex lacked, and not what would truly make me happy in life. People I am mildly attracted to find me very intriguing, while those I find very intriguing are not attracted in the same way. Animals have mastered the art of body chemistry...regardless of the fact that most are only looking for a procreation partner. Some animals, such as the emperor penguins, are very choosy in their mate. What makes them decide that this is the one? I wish that life resembled a fairy tale, and when I kissed my prince charming the bells and fireworks would sound. I would know, without a doubt in my heart that I had finally found my soul mate. I have not lost hope, nor will I, because having a partner and a family has always been in my cards. I just wish that the process was less analytical, and more emotional in nature. Why isn't my heart guiding me?

2 comments:

patience said...

i think the analytical side serves you in this early processing but it will give way to your intuition and heart. you can trust in that, it's strong and a beautiful part of you!
you don't have to worry, just walk.
much peace as your path unfolds...

Nikki said...

Thanks Pache, your heartfelt words always bring me peace.