Saturday, November 24, 2007

Into the mix again

Its strange when you enter a part of your life that you have already lived before. It has been a long time since I have dated, and dating brings me back to a time I had since forgotten. Dating is something that encompasses all of you because of its anxiety, anticipation, and sometimes regret. It is never easy to put yourself out matter how confident you are. When exiting a marriage you feel vulnerable, but at the same time zeroed in on what you want your next mate to be like. Sometimes I wonder if I am only focusing on the traits that my ex lacked, and not what would truly make me happy in life. People I am mildly attracted to find me very intriguing, while those I find very intriguing are not attracted in the same way. Animals have mastered the art of body chemistry...regardless of the fact that most are only looking for a procreation partner. Some animals, such as the emperor penguins, are very choosy in their mate. What makes them decide that this is the one? I wish that life resembled a fairy tale, and when I kissed my prince charming the bells and fireworks would sound. I would know, without a doubt in my heart that I had finally found my soul mate. I have not lost hope, nor will I, because having a partner and a family has always been in my cards. I just wish that the process was less analytical, and more emotional in nature. Why isn't my heart guiding me?

Monday, November 12, 2007

Conference day...from a teacher's viewpoint

This post is a bit delayed, but I felt it was important enough to write. We held conference day not that long ago. I usually dread this day. The parents you need to see never show up, and the ones you do not need to see always come. I work in a low income school, so getting anyone to come is a blessing. Most of my conferences needed a translator which made me regret my inability to speak Spanish fluently.

I stayed pretty grumpy for most of the day, until one little boy's mom came in. She is a single mom, only 23, and moved here for a fresh start for her and her son. She speaks English remarkably well, and lives her life for her child. I was amazed at her strength, determination, and her willingness to press even further, despite the fact that her son is doing great. I felt her struggles for finding a babysitter, and working long hours without much pay. It was evident through our conversation that she is not able to interact with other adults very often. She viewed me as her child's caregiver, almost like a parent when she can not be there. Her admiration and compliments took me off guard. There were so many words not verbally spoken. Most of our communication was done through our eyes.

At the end of the meeting, she got up and gave me a long hug. She thanked me for being such a good teacher, and then walked out the door. Thankfully I had a few minutes to pull myself together after that meeting. In her heart, she feels weak, and stretched to her fullest capacity. But, in her, I saw a wildfire of strength. That hug was what she needed, but little did she know how much I needed it too.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Ever ready enough?

I am sitting here with some extra time on my hands, because I forgot to set the clocks back last night. It has been awhile since I have felt like I actually had extra time. Most of my days are spent rushing from here to there, and then finally crashing into bed at night. On Wednesday, I will be picking up my cousin from the airport. It is that time of year again for the annual cousin reunion. I look at my busy week with nervous anticipation. Am I going to be able to get everything done? Will my house be clean enough? Will I find time to go to the grocery store between now and Wednesday? I am a perfectionist by nature, which can be a good thing, but at times when I am expecting company, it can be rather stressful. I am not sure if a friend has ever seen my house as the complete disaster it can be at times. Why am I not able to just let go? I am beginning to realize that the cousin reunion is truly just a precursor to the busy holiday season. Last year I pretty much had all of my shopping done by now...and this year all I have done is order my Christmas cards. I have been neglecting emails, and phone calls that need to be made. When times would get stressful at school, one of my teacher friends would say.."everything will get done". She was right, everything always got done. It is just hard to see that at the time when the "to do" list seems too long. I do not make New Years resolutions because I can't handle the disappointment when I do not follow instead I am going to make a holiday resolution. Tis the season to let perfection slip to the wayside, be comfortable if the house is not clean enough, make smaller "to do" lists so that they can be completed more quickly, and most importantly remember that EVERYTHING WILL GET DONE.