Monday, July 20, 2009

Coming of Age

There are many times in one's life where our self realization takes on different roles and perspectives. When I was very young, I didn't understand that I was my own person. I reacted without much thought. Eventually, I started to grow into myself, and began navigating the pathways of my mind and heart. Then came a time when I was so engulfed in my heart that reason and outward insight was obsolete. I couldn't comprehend my own emotions, and usually succumbed to them.

Now, I am part of a new transformation, one that I am not yet comfortable with. In this state, I still feel the strong emotions I once did, but they are intersected with the wisdom I have gained over time. My heart and mind battle often, always aware of each other. How does one justify their uncontrollable feelings when they can not be rationalized? In many ways, I am content with the person I am becoming. I am proud of most of the choices I have made, and the decisions I have chosen. But, (with a reluctant sigh) my past still haunts me.

I wish human change was more like that of a butterfly. A complete transformation with only a glimmer of one's former self...probably remembering little of their short time as a caterpillar. With all the things I want to remember, there is much I wish I could forget, because forgetting would help me find my inner equilibrium.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Eyes? True windows to the soul?

Most of the time
I can look in your eyes
and see
you hid them
and I
could only see me.

Looking in someone's eyes has always been something I felt compelled to do. Whether I am speaking to another person, having intimate and silent conversation, or looking for truths...I always go to the eyes. Sometimes they can say much more than words. But, when the words are absent, and the eyes are "hidden" discovery stands still.

Is it possible to ever really know someone? No matter how long or in what circumstance, can one truly know the soul of another? Everyone shelters a part of them for a variety of reasons. But with this sheltering, true connections can sometimes be lost. Sometimes what we "know" and what we "see" collide in a confusing mixture of absolutes.

I wonder if we can ever be completely honest with another person, if we can not always be honest with ourselves.