Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Where is it leading me?

I have always stood behind the theory that if you truly follow your heart, then you can never be steered wrong. Even if it ends up being a poor decision, you don't have any regret because the feelings you had were that strong. I question EVERYTHING in life, and have a difficult time coming to a decision I can fully support. I am not the decision-making type. I constantly question what I do or say.

BUT, sometimes I feel in the depths of me that I must follow a certain path. I don't question, but instead proceed. I knew that being a doula was right, so I jumped right in, and never looked back. It was the same with teaching, and eventually my master's program. ALL of me felt it was right.

Now I am faced with something beyond my control, that feels right, but isn't working. Every part of my heart believes it is the right path, but life keeps throwing debris in my way. I have never questioned the strong feelings that I am having right now, which have always led me to great happiness.

But my question to the universe is WHY? Why isn't everything coming together? Why is the envisioned path not smooth and tranquil? Why am I having these strong feelings if it is not meant to be?

My confusion continues to mount because I am beginning to question what I have always trusted...myself.

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