Monday, January 5, 2009

End of the Holidays Funk

I haven't written in awhile mostly because I was relishing in the beauty of the holidays, and my precious time off from school. A new year...2009...I remember the place I was just a year ago, and it really seems like yesterday. So much has changed, for the better, and for that I am thankful. I have met someone that I truly can say is my true love, and I look forward to a new year and many more memories with him. But, my amazing relationship aside, I appear to be in some sort of after holiday funk.

I am full of anxiety in the other aspects of my life. So much change has happened at my school, and I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. I feel stressed the minute my alarm goes off, because I know I must go to work. I have been teaching for seven years, and I have not felt this way since my first year of much uncertainty and self consciousness in my teaching ability. I love teaching children...but that's just it, I want to TEACH children again (inside school bureaucracy).

I was thrilled to find out that I am finally moving up to the intermediate belly dance class. I had been working for many months, just waiting for my instructor to think I was good enough to move on. Now, I am incredibly nervous. The intermediate class is as high as it goes, so I will be in a class with dancers who have performed live and have been dancing for many years. I know I am not ready for that, but at the same time, I am so excited to finally be part of the group.

I am also thrilled to have a doula client, due in March. But, I am also overwhelmed. Since this is my first paying client, I am even more nervous about whether my services will hold up to my cost. I worry that school and the birth will not mesh well, even though it has every other time. I just want the best birth possible for her, her husband, and their little baby girl.

It is also that final hour bell to repay my student loans. I have been configuring and cutting out everything I possibly can because I am so nervous about paying that first bill. It is great to have student loans because otherwise I would not have been able to get my master's degree, but paying them back is hard, especially when my pay increase was not that substantial.

But, with all these fears and anxieties I am eager to embrace this year...once I get out of this funk I am in. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas for handling the difficult changes a new year can bring?

By the way, Pache, I had my first stranger encounter...thought of you while in the grocery store jelly aisle. :)

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