Monday, July 20, 2009

Coming of Age

There are many times in one's life where our self realization takes on different roles and perspectives. When I was very young, I didn't understand that I was my own person. I reacted without much thought. Eventually, I started to grow into myself, and began navigating the pathways of my mind and heart. Then came a time when I was so engulfed in my heart that reason and outward insight was obsolete. I couldn't comprehend my own emotions, and usually succumbed to them.

Now, I am part of a new transformation, one that I am not yet comfortable with. In this state, I still feel the strong emotions I once did, but they are intersected with the wisdom I have gained over time. My heart and mind battle often, always aware of each other. How does one justify their uncontrollable feelings when they can not be rationalized? In many ways, I am content with the person I am becoming. I am proud of most of the choices I have made, and the decisions I have chosen. But, (with a reluctant sigh) my past still haunts me.

I wish human change was more like that of a butterfly. A complete transformation with only a glimmer of one's former self...probably remembering little of their short time as a caterpillar. With all the things I want to remember, there is much I wish I could forget, because forgetting would help me find my inner equilibrium.

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