Sunday, June 21, 2009


With every year I learn more and more about myself...the good, the bad, and the ugly. But, sometimes I just wonder WHY? I have a pending home inspection, and if it goes well, then I have a potential buyer for my house. But, I am panic stricken. Somewhere along life's path I began to automatically assume the worst in stressful situations. I find that easier to deal with than disappointment. This is my internal defense system. So, here I am, oh so worried about something that has not even happened. Logically I know how silly it is...worrying about something before it even happens, but I just can't bear to get my hopes up.

WHY has it become so ingrained in my being that I can not be hopeful? Many friends and family, while trying to protect me, have uttered such phrases as "don't get your hopes up," or "you never know what could happen". Aren't these hopeless phrases? Have "we" as a society, including myself, lost the power of hope? I literally get chills thinking of that statement. I for one do not consider myself "hopeless". So, WHY do I pick and choose when and where I deposit hope? Shouldn't it be spread all around, despite the circumstance?

In my personal reflection, I feel that control and hope sometimes coincide as one. I can easily be hopeful about things that are within my control. Things that I can make better, change, or adapt. But, when I have no control in a situation, I feel like I am dumped into chaos. This is where I must grow... I must learn how to hope without control. I need to embrace stressful situations with the same hope I have for the joys in my life. Not an easy task, but "knowing is half the battle". Right?

No comments: