The Process

I got upset with something that happened at school today. It had to do with a parent and an email I received...the parent was obviously attacking me in the email. I go through a process when something like this happens. First I reread the email to make sure that it says what I think it says. Then I try and analyze the words, and figure out the emotions behind it. I tend to get lost in these thoughts where I can't seem to concentrate on anything else. When I can't find the rationale, I cry, write, and then work out. As you can guess, I am in the writing portion of the process.

I do not know why I take people's harshness so personal. I sometimes wonder if it is because of my perfectionist nature. I am already so hard on myself, that when anyone else is hard on me, it feels so overwhelming. Or maybe it is just because I am too sensitive, and I need to toughen up, and grow a thicker skin. I just try so hard to do my best at anything I do, and when someone feels I am lacking in an area, I take it to heart. I was so hurt by this parent, that I didn't want to respond right away. I really need to get the emotions part out so that I can think more clearly. I already thought I had responded appropriately, but it wasn't good enough.

I do what I am told when it comes to work, and now I feel like I am paying the piper. I am being ostracized because I did what was asked of me. The parent can't know all this, nor would they understand it...these are the things that go behind the scenes in a school.

Anyway, now that I have the writing portion of my process complete, I am going to work the hell out of my emotions.