364 Days of Resolutions

Its funny that I am all for making promises or setting goals to better myself, but I am so against New Years resolutions. In the past, I have found that I just can't keep them. Because of this, I end up disappointing myself and then become hesitant to set any more goals. So, this year I am giving myself more than just one day to make resolutions. I proclaim this year to be the 364 Days of Resolutions. I will set goals for myself on any day of the year except New Year's Day. In many ways, this might actually work better for me. I am never the same person January 1st as I am at the end of the year. With every year, and sometimes every month, my life changes. For example, this time last year I was miserable in a marriage that I knew was not working. I put on a superficial smile for the holidays, and then spent New Years by myself. I have spent so many New Years promising that I would take back control of my life. Well, this past year, I did. But, I made this promise to myself not in January, but in May. This was a spring resolution that I did keep. Now, I am so much happier, and am spending this New Years so hopeful and very optimistic of all the wonderful things the new year will bring.

So, for those of you who have a hard time with New Year's resolutions, please feel free to join my mini-movement. I am a butterfly fanatic, not only because they are beautiful, but because they have the ability to evolve and change. I got my butterfly tattoo for this very reason. I wanted a constant reminder that no matter where I am in life, I can transform and make myself better. Good luck!

A Little Christmas Miracle

I received a phone call from my client yesterday at around 3:00 in the afternoon. I highly anticipated this birth, not only because of the beautiful event that would transpire, but also because this was hopefully going to be my certification birth. I had a very small window of time left in order to finish. I arrived at the hospital at 6:30pm. My client was a first time mom, so they had many questions as the process unfolded. They were actually already at the hospital visiting her sister on the seventh floor that was recovering from brain surgery, when her water broke. For those that know what this means, my client went from two centimeters dilated to ten in only six hours. I was amazed how wonderful she was doing, and how fast the laboring process was proceeding. She only pushed for around an hour, and then her beautiful baby girl made her appearance into this world.

This was the sixth birth I have attended, and while the process is never the same, it will always be one of the most miraculous events I have ever witnessed. It is such an honor to be able to participate in such a special and intimate event. I watch as each story unfolds, and a family is instantly born. The love that fills each delivery room can not be harnessed, as tears of joy flow freely. Two of my favorite aspects of a delivery are the mother's reaction the moment her baby is delivered, and the father's instantaneous love for his little one that is formed right at the warmer.

Every birth I attend adds another beautiful mark on my heart. I grow and learn about the beauty of birth, and the strength of human nature joined as a couple. As tired as I am right now, I am glowing...because I just saw a Christmas miracle.

Where do I find a friendship rule book?

A friend of mine posted a new blog entry on MySpace. As I have not had much time to catch up with everyone, I enjoy reading their blogs to see how people are doing. His blog was harsh, and I know it was partially directed at me. He is disappointed that his friends are not calling back or keeping in touch as he would see fit. He ended the entry saying that if those people (including me) didn't make an effort then they can consider themselves no longer his friend. I was pretty shocked, hurt, and mystified. I know its hard for everyone to keep in touch, especially this time of the year. I will sometimes go several weeks without talking to some of my close friends, but when we do chat its like no time has passed. I was not sure what to say in response to his entry, and I am sure that my witty yet snide comment probably will not be taken well. But, in my heart, when people are true friends, time is not a factor. If my friends are too busy or have a lot going on, I am not going to punish them or say they are no longer my friend just to make myself feel better. Am I wrong? Does a true friendship have guidelines, rules, and/or restrictions? Are we all labeled with expiration dates? My first instinct is to lay this friendship to rest, and not think twice about it. But, I have never been considered a bad friend to anyone (that I know of) and trying to understand his accusations is disheartening.

Here's the silver lining...it did make me think of a friend that I really do need to give a call...so Pache, listen out for your ringer! :)

He's Just Not That Into You

This is a book that my mom had purchased for my sister awhile ago, and was handed down to me when I started dating again. Keeping with my whole "tough love" theme, this book's title sounds harsh, but the words are actually refreshing and somewhat empowering. Its empowering because women can actually learn the warning signs and not act like an ass pursuing a man that is not interested. I would actually also recommend this book to men, partially so that they realize women are onto their lame excuses, but also because women actually use many of the same lines. The authors (male and female) give very different viewpoints on the same topics which helps to analyze both what a man and a woman are thinking. Two of my favorite lines in the book are; "Don't you want a guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?" and hard hitting advice such as "The word 'busy' is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes...the more you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want". WHERE WAS THIS BOOK TEN YEARS AGO??? :)

* A friend read this post and was surprised that it was not as upbeat as my other posts. I did not mean for it to not be. I thought this book was a great read, and very powerful for women to have a look into a man's mind. I saw it in both a positive and negative light. I have already mentioned the harsh realities of dating, but the positive side can be shown through dating as well. If a man that you are with is not exhibiting these signs, then it becomes very exciting because you know that he "is into you". That will defer a lot of questions or things that may be built up in your mind. Sometimes women, including myself, make excuses for certain behavior because we do not want to face reality. How hard is it to admit to yourself that someone is just not into you? So, the excuses build and the wool fully coats ones eyes. I liked this book because it tore the wool off, and allowed women to see things much more clearly. Why waste time with someone when a person could be waiting right around the corner that is really interested in you? So, my own bluntness was mandatory so that I could move past my own disillusions.

Tough Love

I have wonderful friends that express their sympathy and give me a listening ear when I am in need of someone to talk to. But, sometimes I need the tough love that only my friend Scott can give. I have been tossing some things around in my head for awhile now, not really wanting to face my own realizations. So, I presented my problems to Scott last night. As always, he gave me the story straight, and forced me to see what I already knew, but didn't want to see. I know that he loves me, and his bluntness is not meant to hurt my feelings. I do have that stubborn yet dreamer side to me, and I sometimes need to be grounded. Everyone needs a variety of different friends, but I truly believe that all of us need a Scott.

Love this...so appropriate

Will it be better?

I finally had a meeting this morning with a parent that I had needed to see since the beginning of the year. I knew that her life is not easy, so I did not fault her for having limited availability. We discussed her child's behavior and academic issues, and then the conference took an unexpected turn. She said that they are planning to move back to Mexico in January or February. Her husband and the father of her children had been deported last year, which forced her to start working to support three children. The father was physically abusive to the children's mother on many occasions. All the children were witnesses. I can't imagine how difficult her life must be here to even consider going back to the man that treated her in such a way. So here is my question...will it be better? I am not the one to answer, nor could I, so my heart just aches for her heavy decisions.

Here are my thoughts for her...

Be strong in your decisions,
as they sometimes can not be taken back.
Continue to hold on to your little ones,
as they will shape our future.
Know that your struggles,
were never in vain.
Rest with a peaceful heart,
as home hopefully takes away your pain.


* Thank you M.C. for helping to make this family's Christmas bright*

Let it SNOW!

I woke up this morning with the hopes that the weather people were drastically wrong, and I could witness the first blanket of snow for the year. Alas, they were right. Although, I could smell it in the air. The day progressed without as much as a snowflake. The kids came off the bus, and we got settled into our morning routine. One of my students brought in a book for me to read this morning called, "The Big Snow". I began reading the story, and as if on cue, I caught the first sign of snow out of the corner of my eye. I glanced briefly at the window as I was turning the page, and a child (who never pays attention) actually followed my gaze, and yelled, "IT'S SNOWING!" Then the insanity of the first snowfall began. I couldn't even mask my own excitement, as I tried to lasso my class and pull them back into the story.

As a teacher, the excitement of the possibility of snow never fades. I doubt that my enthusiasm would wane even if I were not a teacher. I relish in watching the quiet snowflakes fall to the ground, and create a beautiful stillness. The past two years have been such a disappointment, as I would be content with just one good snowfall. In college, the first snowfall brought a whole other type of excitement. My sorority's mascot is a rabbit, so for the first accumulating snowfall we would all meet in front of the sorority dorms at 6:00am, and become "snow bunnies". This entailed all of us in the snow in our bikinis. The local paper, and about every fraternity showed up for this annual event.

There is something so magical with snow, and this pitiful snowfall today only increased my desire. So, from one snow lover to another, LET IT SNOW!

A Silent Prayer

My friend Patience's sister, Jen, is an amazing blogger, and a genius with words. I was recently catching up on some of her entries when I stumbled upon a candle that she had designed. The words on the candle spoke directly to my heart. I immediately envisioned the candle sitting in my window and lighting it when I needed a silent prayer. One of my friends is going through a tough time right now, and as the words on the candle brought me strength, I hope to "pay it forward."

Hopefull

Whatever you do

Hold on To hope!

The Tiniest thread

will twist into an

unbreakable cord.

Let hope anchor

you in the possibility

that this is NOT

the END of your story,

that change will

bring you to peaceful

shores.

~Jen Lemen